When Soul Speaks….

It’s  the middle of the night and I am wide awake staring at the familiar night shadows that the street lights paint on the ceiling of the bedroom. It is comforting to stare at every detail of the projected window patterns that never change…something immutable to count on…..something that is a predictable ‘always‘ in a world where nothing is predictable anymore.  As I let this ‘sameness’ flow comfort over me,  I begin to notice an insistent stirring within me that rails against my desire to go back to sleep. It is a familiar push – something wants out. I try to ignore this dissonance  and close my eyes but that apparently is not an option.  That something inside has used this unguarded time to lop its wisdom into my consciousness.  I keep noticing a constant repetition of  two words flashing in front of me, opening a cascade of significance…:

—- Begin Again —– Begin Again —–

something needs to be heard…I give up and open to its message:

As I ponder the words, I am bombarded with memories of pivotal moments -some ‘in your face’ whoppers and some small, pee wee’s – when I knew intuitively in my gut that ‘beginning again’ was just around the corner. There was a common thread in how I felt each time.  There had been both dread and joy.  The fearful part of me that resisted what was coming had put up the good fight by pushing against the change. In that role, I was willing to do anything (compromise anything, lie to myself and others, stay too long, move too much, run, hide, silence my own truth and ultimately suffer) to maintain the status quo no matter how painful and self destructive.  Each time, though, something had pulled me through that resistance into action even as my heart pounded and my thoughts convinced  me that there were monsters under the bed waiting to kill me….

And on the other side of all that fear and dread?

The unbounded joy in the wisdom of the change because it set me free to grow more….

The Truth Awareness

As I considered this, a blinding moment of sheer surprise torpedoed a specific memory from years ago. It pierced through the layers of time under which it was buried. All this time, this little nugget had lain in obscurity until this very moment.  I marveled at the magic at play that showed me how in this tiny moment I had initiated immense change. I realized I was being shown the precise second when I knew I had just stepped onto the irrevocable  new path. Who knew that such a monumental life change had its seeds in such a small story…?  apparently,  like crocuses flowering in spring,  ‘Beginning Again’ is planted in obscure gardens that mature much later…

It’s The Story that leads to The New….

There is always a story leading to the fork in the road that asks you to choose something else. In the quiet stillness of the night, I am shown how my decisions big or small were the ones that tipped the balance toward intuitively choosing for a new way that I knew I needed to choose. In retrospect, I am wholly grateful to those who were the change agents in my story and who played their role and moved me onto the path that I joyfully walk today. The further I move along this new life, the more I embrace that we are all each other’s change agents….and whatever our life theme, we have supporting players who interact with that blue print.

Change Masquerades as Loss

I watched a recent interview with Gabby Giffords and Mark Kelly with the deepest of admiration. Their courage and optimism since her shooting experience has inspired a nation. The ‘before’ and ‘after’ of Gabby is heart-wrenchingly stark and is the penultimate example of beginning again through transiting the portal of loss.  What the outcomes of her future life path might illuminate are not clear at the moment but surely, her trajectory has been permanently altered.  As I watched, I acknowledged that change is never an easy path to travel yet it is so what we are about at our core.

I can’t think of one circumstance of change, happy or sad, that didn’t in retrospect happen as a navigational nudge from my soul…In the sacred silence of the night where I was awake and my thoughts raced, it became abundantly clear that no matter how hard or scary,  Beginning Again and turning a corner in life is all about getting bigger.

Turning Your Own Corners of Change

Take the time to notice the messages and urges of the soul in your guided life experience– all the leavings and arrivings – the endings and the ‘beginning again’s – in relationships, health issues that changed your perspective, chance meetings, chance findings.  Without a doubt, it is there and it will unfailingly lead you out of the blind alleys you can sometimes walk down and become trapped, or show you clearly when it is time to move into another moment of your existence and Begin Again to grow further.

It’s an Eternal Cycle

When he was a young child,  my step-son had a perfect explanation of what it was like for him: “Well, I leave one place and I am sad, I arrive at another and I am happy. Then I leave that place and I am sad again and when I get to the next place I am happy again”  It pretty much sums up the simple wisdom in  Beginning Again……

When the dread is done…. the joy moves in….we begin again to live the next iteration of our truth.  In the bigger picture, it is the cycle we embrace:  we begin, we do life, we end it, we assess and we begin again …….

We are  soul infused, growing, moving beings….who will always use change as the vehicle to traverse our soul’s path …who will always have the strength to start the next adventure … who will always know in the still, silent places within that we are co-creative participants in an eternal process that is infused with the Divine seeking to know itself …who will always play in this vast universe of experience …who will eventually see the surprising context within which we have built our playground and who will rejoice at all that we have the freedom to create.

Filed under: Multidimensional Reality, personal growth, Spiritual Growth, This Physical Reality | Tagged: beginning again, embracing change, fear of change, finding joy, Gabby Giffords, soul intuition | Leave a comment »