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Begin Again – Turning the Corner to Embrace Change


It’s the middle of the night. I am wide awake, staring at the familiar night shadows painted by the street lights on my bedroom ceiling. It is comforting to stare at every detail of the projected window patterns that never change…something immutable to count on. In a world where nothing is predictable anymore, it gave me some small comfort.  As I lay there in the darkness, I noticed an insistent, familiar restlessness that would not let me sleep. It was as if something wanted out and was using this unguarded moment to escape. I heard the words over and over again:

“—- Begin Again —– Begin Again —–“

A surprising memory from years ago about a pivotal life ‘begin again’ moment screamed into my awareness. Back then, I was living in Florida and had made the gut-wrenching decision to make a solo move back to my native Canada. Things had been feeling off-balance in my life for some time and my intuition had been churning out a message that something had to change.  Also, I was well aware of feeling days of gut-wrenching sensations that were a crazy mix of dread and excitement.  In my fear and resistance to the inevitable move, I bargained with destiny and was willing to do anything – compromise anything, lie to myself and others, stay too long, run, hide, silence my own truth and ultimately suffer. No matter how painful and self-destructive my present circumstances were, I just wanted to stay put. Then, one day, something lightened up and beyond the heart-pounding fear of being consumed by those ‘monsters under the bed’, I was pulled into action. Not long after, I packed up my stuff, took the leap and drove north.

And on the other side of all that fear and dread, I found unbounded joy and a higher guidance that had set me free to grow!  From that point, my life changed in ways I could never have predicted.


The Story is the Way ….

There is always a story that leads you to the fork in the road where you are asked to choose. In the quiet stillness of this night, as I lay reliving that scary experience, I suddenly understood how my decisions big and small were the ones that caused me to choose which road to take.  In retrospect, I am wholly grateful to those individuals in my story who played their role perfectly and caused me to re-direct my focus. My joyful and vital life today bears no resemblance to the old structure that I let go of so long ago.  The further I move along in this new life, the more I embrace as truth that we are all each other’s teachers and prodders. I am deeply grateful for the change agents in my life and wonder how others experience their fateful nudges.

Turning Your Own Corners of Change

Have you ever noticed inner messages and urges that have guided your own life experience? All the winnings and losses, the endings and beginnings, relationships, health issues, financial struggles, career challenges, the chance meetings and the chance findings might map out a surprising at the similar patterns as events that have changed your trajectory too.

Without a doubt, inner guidance (soul, intuition, whatever you label it) is part of your life picture and it will unfailingly lead you out of the blind alleys where you can become trapped.

We are co-creative participants in an eternal evolutionary process that is all about our growth and our capacity to learn and grow and create in this vast universal playground.  If you listen carefully, your higher wisdom will clearly let you know when it is time to take action and when you are ready to move into another level of your growth to…begin again.

Sometimes you just have to take the leap and make your wings on the way down ~unknown


A Glaring Error of Omission about Copywriting and Another AHA! moment

One of the most significant errors of omission in the latest post The Dance of Emergence was a very significant part that I had mistakenly edited out  about my copywriting experience. (move away from distractions when writing posts!!! lesson learned)

It needs added back in – right here, right now!

While I did begin the course with the negative perspective I described, I have (and I am only half way through) from the very beginning had many stunning reversals of belief as a result of both the facilitators and the curriculum. All my doubts and fears about integrity disappeared instantly as I listened to one of the first classes that stressed the necessity for honesty about and belief in the product or service.  As for alignment with my values – well, that dissolved in the very moment that I heard those words. As I have progressed through the course, I have enjoyed genuine enthusiasm and passion from the facilitators and through their eyes, I have realized what a vital role copywriters play in the success of any business – including businesses like this one!  I am discovering my own passion and desire to help others make a difference in their prosperity through learning these skills.

The AHA!

The obstacle that kept me avoiding jumping into this world was my negative perception. The unseen hand that moved me to take the course was a higher wisdom showing me how to surf instead of dog-paddle.

Obstacles can be obscure and very subtle. They can masquerade as beliefs that seem like our most sacred truths. It is not until we are willing to follow the gentle shoves of guidance that we discover in our hearts what our eyes could not see.

I am grateful and inspired by these dedicated and talented people with whom I have come in contact through this course. I am overwhelmed at the gifts it has delivered to me personally and professionally….and…..I had to express this to bring balance and perspective to another example of obstacles hiding the gold we seek in our lives….this has definitely been one of those experiences and promises even more…..

I am surfing this wave with the greatest of expectations and amazement and appreciation!

from Heart Math inspiration: Service

“The fragrance always remains on the hand that gives the rose. ”

– Gandhi

The Ebb and Flow of this ‘Life Purpose’ Jazz!

It seems the last post has more to give! This gives such context to all with which we struggle….enjoy its awareness….

As I read further in Fate and Destiny by Michael Meade, another passage needs sharing – here it is as direct quote.  Feel free to leave a comment on your thoughts and insights.  Where do you stand on the concept Life Purpose? (eye rolling doubter or heartfelt believer?)

“In this world each wake up call is an opportunity to turn back to the conversation with the divine. {..} Life is the necessary illusion from which we drink as well as the circumstantial waters in which we drown again and again. That is the truth as well as the illusion of it. We are each on a mysterious errand and the great beauty of this world requires that we both forget and at times remember it.  …. {..} ….we are closer to an awakening and to a turning point whenever we reach the end of our rope and feel that we have lost everything again. Then, we either fall apart or else we find the thread of destiny that pulls everything together and opens the path before us again”

The Resilience of the Soul

In the worst imaginable circumstances of Afghanistan, these wonderful beings can still find joy – it will heal your heart to see this


A Most Inspiring Video – Enjoy


http://www.IBelieveShesAmazing.com/ Kim MacGregor organized this flash mob of 200 dancers to launch the “feel good” movement, “I Believe She’s Amazing” in honor of her friend Erika Heller who passed away May 28th, 2009 at 31 yrs. old…this is her living legacy. The amazing choreographers and dance

Our Bodies Speak The Pain of Trauma – A National and Personal Crisis

….so many people were in pain that their numbers were greater than the capacity of a world class medical facility like Mayo Clinic

I called yesterday to get some information and make an appointment at Mayo Clinic for Terry. The temporary measures we had chosen to abate  chronic pain issues were working but not addressing the source of the problem. It was clear that we could not continue in this interim existence without some causal resolutions to recovery.  To my absolute astonishment and shock, I was told that Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota was not accepting any new patients in their Pain Management/Rheumatology department because they were overwhelmed and could barely keep up with the patients they already were serving!  Really? Mayo Clinic was no longer accepting anyone who presented with arthritic symptoms and pain?     Stunning!

As I hung up the phone with the apology of the receptionist still ringing in my ears, I pondered the import of this revelation…so many people were in pain/arthritic conditions that their numbers were greater than a world class medical facility could handle….it was cold comfort to realize at least we weren’t the only ones in need of healing. The seeming epidemic proportions of this dis-ease started a cascade of awareness and questions.  A quick Google search of statistics on pain confirmed my personal experience at Mayo Clinic:

It is estimated by National Health Statistics that 76.2 million Americans suffer from pain maladies.

This  exceeds the incidences of heart disease, diabetes and cancer combined!

What was going on in America that might be manifesting  this flood of pain and arthritis? From a metaphysical perspective, it would suggest some  inability to move freely or being frozen with ? fear? such that motion is inhibited or halted….not beyond the realm of possibility given the national condition these days… but, is there more to this? what could be at the core of the stats that show such a nation-wide malaise? ……

Pain is the Body’s Message about Stored Trauma Continue reading

‘You’re going to burn in hell’………meeting our ultimate fear



……Those damning words floated into the sleepy sanctity of our condo this morning. The condemnation, uttered with such conviction, was part of a longer ‘sermon’  delivered as the speaker made his way down the street outside our window apparently warning invisible parishioners of the perils of sinful living. This fiery delivery was received in our domain with a wry and humorous comment about the glory of living downtown where all manner of humanity intermingles and shares their particular view of this existence.   But it did get me thinking about the conviction of truth from which those words were uttered and it did get me remembering what it felt like to hear those same sentiments as a young child growing up Catholic and wide-eyed with terror at the prospect of being consumed by flames because I did not obey and God was not pleased. Then, it was my first introduction to fear and the concept of Divine retribution. Today,  as a rational adult who has reconciled with logic, I realize that a punishing God is an oxymoron. Yet I am still amazed that  sentiments like the ones which arrived uninvited in our bedroom this morning are still afoot in our supposedly sophisticated culture. Do we really believe in ‘hell’? Really? Still?

As I pondered the question, I considered how much of our existence is centered around our cellular fear of dying and ‘burning in hell for all eternity’ because we are flawed and at our core, reprehensible.  So our fear of  annihilation sends us seeking safe harbor from death in any way we can.  At the heart of our individual, national and global conflicts is fear in some form.  Continue reading

In the midst of Noise — Silence

I have been hyper-aware of noise lately, especially the noise of my own chatter.  What escapes into verbal conversation is often an overflow of what goes on inside my head.  There, interior to the walls of the physical, resides the ever-present background white noise of my thoughts….constantly directing, editing, worrying, criticizing, judging, inquiring and generally filling any available nook and cranny with some form of molecular activity. It is exhausting. It infringes on my ability to meditate, to be clear and to find the open, free space of silence.


Not unrelated to the internal cacophony, the external world of just plain living is clearly as loud and distracting. In our physical lives, we are bombarded with the constant sensory overload – from the demand to hold conversation with family, friends, students, co-workers, society in general,  to the invasive clamor of televisions, telephones, music, aircraft overhead, the laboring rumble of truck and bus engines, the familiar sounds of construction as we build, fix, maintain our cities and roads, the cries and questions of our children.  This external stimulus of every waking moment rarely stops.  Within this ubiquitous din resides all the enfolded messages that shape our behavior so that we can conform to a societal model of perfection. It creates the frenzied internal and external babble in which we are immersed and it causes unnecessary struggle and stress. It  becomes internalized as the low-level hum of inner chatter we unconsciously adapt to and  saps our energy and focus.

Terry and I have recently begun using a series of  guided meditations designed to support the taking back of the power of our minds from this frenzy. The CD’s series entitled Inner Talk use both subliminal (they list all the messages) messages and binaural beat technology. It was shortly after beginning to use these CDs that I noticed a deep, empty, delicious peace and quiet in my head that was very unfamiliar yet very welcome. That it was noticeable in the midst of a normal night of TV and other activity was even more remarkable and it has stayed with me. I am clearly aware of the quiet that has replaced the sensory overload of my thinking. So what does one do with silence?  Besides listening and actually getting in touch with intuitive messages, the most miraculous part of this rests in the loss of struggle I notice as I progress through a day. The someone looking  over my shoulder grading and measuring the perfection of everything I do no longer exists.  In the silence of this new space,  a sense of trust and confidence has emerged. This new pattern of transformed doubt has landed me solidly in the flow of all things and normalized the exhaustive struggle that had plagued my every move.

It is a definitive feeling of coming home to silence – a place I left behind long ago – a place that evokes  the ‘aaahhhh’ fall-into-grandma’s featherbed’ experience and a place that is consciously present in the midst of all the noise.  As I balance it with the activities of living and prosperity, I find the most profound gratitude for this discovery. Thank you, Terry for being the consummate explorer and adventurer, for being a living truth compass that I trust. As much as it is part of our mutual and individual progression of expansion, it is also a deep expression of universal love and regard….that is a gift I treasure and fully accept.


“Hurry Up and Wait” -the mantra of charter pilots and a metaphor for life

From Kellie:


Years ago when I worked at a charter/scheduled airline in Canada, there was a phenomenon that occurred often with aircraft  charters.   Here is how it went – a customer would call up to charter an aircraft for a specific time; we would find air crew, arrange refreshments, get the aircraft ready to go at the appointed time – sometimes at great inconvenience and haste to be ‘on-time’… then we would begin the long wait for the customer to arrive so we could depart…thus the “Hurry Up and Wait” mantra came into being.  Like the  scenes in a movie that depict the passage of time by showing a character in a series of different positions in the same chair, we would wait and wait and wait and wait some more….refreshments would be returned to the refrigerator then more waiting ……suddenly, the doors of the waiting lounge would fly open, the customer would finally arrive and the chartered flight would begin…at long last, action and successful completion of the task at hand!

It seems that we often encounter a similar experience in pursuit of our personal goals – we start by doing  everything we think we need to do to act upon our focus. We take appropriate steps to get prepared and are full of purpose and direction. Then at some point when we have completed everything we know how to do,  we wait……………. Now what? Continue reading