We have been bumping into the word “Narcissistic” a lot lately – and not in a good way. This descriptor is hurled as the most base insult at those who are perceived to be self-absorbed, self-centered and ignoring of others.

To be sure, there is a pathological version of this behavior that is in the psychological disorders bible, the DSM…which is the extreme of what we are talking about. But the basic premise upon which this accusation sources is the very truth that we are ‘all about ourselves’ !
We are survival machines and in the ultimate reality our first responsibility as human beings is to take care of ourselves….actually – be a little Narcissistic!! Think about the times you have been happily engaged in community, connected, able to reach out and ask for help, maybe even speak about some accomplishment that is important to you – how did you feel about yourself? Think about the times you have isolated, disengaged yourself from others and decided to go it alone – how did that feel? When you reach out, when you connect, when you belong and feel accepted – you are often in the place you want to be – a place that you choose (narcissistically) for your sense of self acceptance and self importance….YOU MATTER in those moments. If you reflect on the moments you were standing out and being seen – perhaps you will find that you actually contributed something to others – made a difference in their lives. Without the ability to want to be ‘out there’ the gift would never be delivered. Through the perspective of Voice Dialogue, all aspects or parts of us serve us if we allow them. Perhaps it is time to acknowledge the Narcissist in us all and actually use an appropriate amount of its energy to help us move in the world more forcefully?

I had a very ‘aha’ moment today as I sent out an email about this post. I started to entitle it in the subject line as “MY POST” and found myself immediately deleting the “MY . As I noticed this action, an awareness of “hmmmmm! what was THAT about?” made manifest. In short order, words from my puritanical, self-effacing upbringing screamed through my consciousness – “Never bring attention to yourself”. I also recalled being told never to start a letter to anyone with the word “I” (anyone remember that in school? -How are you. I am fine is OK but NEVER the other way around). We are conditioned to deny, denigrate and dismiss our narcissistic tendencies as evil, bad and just plain wrong. Perhaps it is this conditioning that prevails today and prevents any recognition of narcissism as having qualities that are necessary to our well-being. Consider that our narcissist might be a contributing factor in allowing us to accept abundance – if we do not feel deserving of gifts given to us, then how can we attract prosperity of all types into our life? What if we need that Narcissist to stand up and show off our skills – be it comedy, public speaking, our art, our computer software skills – without our Narcissist, do we have a marketer to sell our business?

Through the lens of Voice Dialogue, we know that the parts of us we deny are the very parts that show up in others in our external world. This happens as our soul’s way of helping us become whole and complete in who we truly are. So, the next time you hear someone identify another as narcissistic – take a moment to really hear what they are saying about themselves – perhaps they need to take better care of themselves, take a giant leap of faith and stand out in their professional or personal experiences. They might want to take a little of that judgment to apply liberally to themselves..if they do, the outcome might be very surprising.

Filed under: personal growth, voice dialogue |