It’s the middle of the night. I am wide awake, staring at the familiar night shadows painted by the street lights on my bedroom ceiling. It is comforting to stare at every detail of the projected window patterns that never change…something immutable to count on. In a world where nothing is predictable anymore, it gave me some small comfort. As I lay there in the darkness, I noticed an insistent, familiar restlessness that would not let me sleep. It was as if something wanted out and was using this unguarded moment to escape. I heard the words over and over again:
“—- Begin Again —– Begin Again —–“
A surprising memory from years ago about a pivotal life ‘begin again’ moment screamed into my awareness. Back then, I was living in Florida and had made the gut-wrenching decision to make a solo move back to my native Canada. Things had been feeling off-balance in my life for some time and my intuition had been churning out a message that something had to change. Also, I was well aware of feeling days of gut-wrenching sensations that were a crazy mix of dread and excitement. In my fear and resistance to the inevitable move, I bargained with destiny and was willing to do anything – compromise anything, lie to myself and others, stay too long, run, hide, silence my own truth and ultimately suffer. No matter how painful and self-destructive my present circumstances were, I just wanted to stay put. Then, one day, something lightened up and beyond the heart-pounding fear of being consumed by those ‘monsters under the bed’, I was pulled into action. Not long after, I packed up my stuff, took the leap and drove north.
And on the other side of all that fear and dread, I found unbounded joy and a higher guidance that had set me free to grow! From that point, my life changed in ways I could never have predicted.
The Story is the Way ….
There is always a story that leads you to the fork in the road where you are asked to choose. In the quiet stillness of this night, as I lay reliving that scary experience, I suddenly understood how my decisions big and small were the ones that caused me to choose which road to take. In retrospect, I am wholly grateful to those individuals in my story who played their role perfectly and caused me to re-direct my focus. My joyful and vital life today bears no resemblance to the old structure that I let go of so long ago. The further I move along in this new life, the more I embrace as truth that we are all each other’s teachers and prodders. I am deeply grateful for the change agents in my life and wonder how others experience their fateful nudges.
Turning Your Own Corners of Change
Have you ever noticed inner messages and urges that have guided your own life experience? All the winnings and losses, the endings and beginnings, relationships, health issues, financial struggles, career challenges, the chance meetings and the chance findings might map out a surprising at the similar patterns as events that have changed your trajectory too.
Without a doubt, inner guidance (soul, intuition, whatever you label it) is part of your life picture and it will unfailingly lead you out of the blind alleys where you can become trapped.
We are co-creative participants in an eternal evolutionary process that is all about our growth and our capacity to learn and grow and create in this vast universal playground. If you listen carefully, your higher wisdom will clearly let you know when it is time to take action and when you are ready to move into another level of your growth to…begin again.
Sometimes you just have to take the leap and make your wings on the way down ~unknown